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Walks Like This




Warren Fahey recites ‘Walks Like This’ 

Walks Like This





Here’s an example of a practical joke put into the context of a poem. Hardened boozers were known to try anything to cadge a free drink but this one takes some beating.


He was as dry as Georgie’s poodle and was quickly growing worse,
but he didn’t hold the boodle – ’twas a fact that made him curse –
But he was a man of mettle and was not exactly dumb,
So he walked into McPherson’s bar and
called for rum.

So they handed him the bottle and he made that rum look queer,
Swigged it off and asked politely: “Is Jim Smith a-staying here? –
A peculiar sort of feller but a decent, Jimmy is,
and he’s got a gammy left leg and he
walks like this.”

Then he limped (as his friend Smith did) to the door and did a git,
And McPherson, realizing that he hadn’t paid his bit.
Cursed until the glasses rattled and the beer-machine got jammed,
Then he wound up with a homely phrase of:
“Well I’m damned!”

Now, the chap who ‘had’ McPherson thought the joke too good to lose,
So he told a friend of his’n, who was dying for a booze,
How he’d scored his cheap refreshment – though he didn’t tell him where –
And that friend he struck McPherson’s and he
called for beer.

And they drew a quart of swanky – it was in a pewter pot –
and he downed it with a single gulp, and said, “It’s mighty hot!
Is Tommy Brown a-stayin’ ‘ere? E’s whiskers on his phiz,
An ‘e’s kind o’ wooden-legged and he
walks like this.

Then McPherson waxed wrathly, there was murder in his gloat
As he leapt him o’er the counter, seized that joker by the throat;
And he shouted, “Brown’s not staying here, I don’t know who he is,
But McPherson’s pretty handy, and he
kicks like this!”