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Preservation of the Aussie Male


 

CLASSIC BUSH VERSE – DEMON DRINK

 

Warren Fahey recites ‘The Preservation of the Aussie Male’

 

The Preservation of the Aussie Male

 

ANON.

 

Australians see themselves as ‘professional drinkers’, ‘kings (and queens) of the grogging stakes’ and little poems like this one exist to prop us up at the bar. In fact, in days of old (before pubs were carpeted and homogenised) this type of poetry would have been stuck up on a wall.

 

The horse and mule live 30 years
And nothing know of wine and beers
The goat and sheep at 20 die
With never taste of scotch or rye
The cow drinks water by the ton
And at 18 years is mostly done
The dog at 16 cashes in
Without the aid of rum or gin
The cat in milk and water soaks
And then in 12 short years it crocks
The modest, sober, bone-dry hen
Lays eggs for nogs and dies at ten
All animals are strictly dry
They sinless live and quickly die
But sinful gin-full, rum soaked men
Survive for three score years and ten
And some of us, the mighty few
Stay pickled till we’re 92