Shock Horror: Folklore of Disaster 14

SHOCK HORROR: The Folklore of Disaster


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© Warren Fahey


It is clear that many people see the Internet as their way to salvation. They use it as a pulpit and, considering the garbage delivered to our screens, this is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes emails arrive in the form of an intended wake-up call pontificating on what the world could be. The following item certainly pulls no punches as it dissects the world’s population and, if it achieves little else, it makes us think about our life on this strange old planet where, according to a 2001 United Nations survey,  more than half the world’s population has never used a telephone!

Here’s something worth pondering:

 If we could shrink the earth’s population to a village of precisely 100
people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would
look something like the following:

There would be:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans

52 would be female
48 would be male

70 would be non-white
30 would be white

70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian

89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual

6 people would possess 59% of the entire world’s wealth and all
6 would be from the United States.

80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer

When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective, the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly apparent.

The following is also something to ponder…

 If you woke up this morning with more health than illness…you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation …you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death…you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep…you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace … you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.

If your parents are still alive and still married … you are very rare, even in the United States and Canada.

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.

Someone once said: What goes around comes around.
Work like you don’t need the money.
Love like you’ve never been hurt.
Dance like nobody’s watching.
Sing like nobody’s listening.
Live like it’s Heaven on Earth.

Pass this on, and brighten someone’s day.
Nothing will happen if you do not decide to pass it along. The only thing that will happen, if you DO pass it on, is that someone might smile because of you.

Of course, we tend to blindly believe all such percentages as fact. I haven’t checked these figures and for all I know they could be way off the mark. In some ways these goodwill messages have replaced chain letters however I rush to point out that the chain letter has not completely disappeared however they are now chain emails.

The following humorous piece is disguised as an authentic announcement in the style of a company press release. This particular item was said to quote the ‘voice of Sharia’ Sun. October 7, 2001. In earlier times this would have been photocopied and circulated on paper.


5000 Laid-off by Al Qaeda 

Kabul, October 7, 2001 (Voice of Sharia) -Citing worldwide reaction to the recent terrorist attacks, multi-national terror network Al Qaeda announced Friday that it would lay off 5,000 or more holy warriors.

The “holy war” concern said the move was necessary because of an expected 20 percent fatwah reduction and
the cost and complexity of thwarting new airport and immigration security procedures, according to a statement
broadcast on Afghanistan’s Voice of Sharia radio.

“This is, without a doubt, the most difficult thing I have had to do in my over two decades as a terrorist and freedom fighter,” said Al Qaeda mastermind and chief operations officer Osama bin Laden in a letter to employees. He added, “Some of these people are my friends, who have been fighting the infidel by my side since we were living in caves in
Afghanistan during the Soviet occupation. We are still living in caves in Afghanistan, but I believe we will soon see
a soft landing and a rebound, provided we can meet the challenge by slicing off some fat and getting leaner AND meaner.”

“I have declared a state of emergency at Al Qaeda,” he said. “This declaration is an official recognition that, hard as it may be to accept, our network’s very survival depends on dramatic change to our operations, our jihad and worst of all our staffing levels.”

The cuts, bin Laden said, would include both mujahadin (holy warriors) and ulema (clerics). They will impact Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iraq.

Some mujahadin will be notified immediately, others won’t be notified until the end of next week as they finish attacks in progress or in late stages of planning, according to Taliban spokesman Wakil Ahmed. Staff cuts for suicide pilots, car bombers, petty religious clerics and other Al Qaeda holy warriors will be based on seniority, Ahmed said, in a deal worked out at a meeting between bin Laden and union officials from the IBIJ (International Brotherhood of the Islamic Jihad). Mujahadin and others who lose their jobs will not receive any sort of severance package, but instead could have
their limbs severed if they protest this necessary action according to the Al Qaeda statement.

AFGH which oversees Al Quaeda and its subsidiary Taliban organization, is the world’s largest country with a pre-
medieval culture and justice system. The country’s latest quarterly report said the different units of the Al Qaeda/Taliban organization, including the madrassas (schools AFGH has been running for twenty years to turn ordinary children into suicidal holy warriors) had a total of 30,000 employees, meaning the cut represents a 16 percent reduction in staff.

Al Qaeda is the latest in a string of Islamic terror network layoff announcements, pushing the total of announced cuts in the last five days to 10,000, endangering growth forecasts for the last quarter. Referring to massive U.S. troop movements involving three carrier groups in the Mediterranean and Arabian Sea, worried Afghani ulemas in testimony during the emergency sharia council in Khandahar on Thursday told their spiritual leader Mullah Mohammed Omar that the number is likely to cross the 20,000 threshold in the coming days, through attrition, with none of the expected openings slated to be refilled. OIC (Organization of the Islamic Conference) and bin Laden are considering spending billions on emergency aid to the industry, distributed through a vast network of corrupt Saudi emirs, international prostitution rings and drug smugglers. The current exchange rate is approximately 100,000 Afghanis to the dollar, down about 7000% since early September. Tight-lipped officials at the Taliban Federal Reserve have refused interviews with the Kabul financial press.

The PLO announced Tuesday it will reduce its workforce by 3000 by the end of fiscal 2002 as its overstaffed commercial bus bombing division and restaurant theater operations are trimmed down.

Finally, a mujahad interviewed about the job cuts had this to say, “Our leadership has once again shown that they posses the IQ of a naan (an Afghani pancake). Why lay off 5000 now when the US and British are about to eliminate twice that number anyway?” Shaking his head, he added, “Loyalty is dead. Most terrorist employers issue a pink slip the moment they figure they don’t need someone for the next few weeks. That demonstrates the employer’s loyalty. When they can’t hire a needed skill in time, they outsource it, or heap the load on the survivors. That pretty well sums up modern jihad
practices: reactionary, cheap, callous, short term and, ultimately ruinous. Any mujahad loyal to that is an idiot, like me.” [End of forwarded message]