Warren Fahey recites ‘Piddling Pete’
Another great favourite for reciters is this tale of the dog who was ‘champion piddler’ of Australia – and, as the story unfolds, with good reason.
A famous dog once came to town
Whose middle name was Pete,
His pedigree was two yard long,
His looks were hard to beat,
And as he trotted down the road
’twas beautiful to see,
His work on every corner,
His work on every tree.
He watered every gateway,
He never missed a post,
For piddling was his masterpiece
And piddling was his boast.
The city dogs stood looking on
With deep and jealous rage,
To see this simple country dog,
The piddler of his age,
They smelled him over one by one,
They smelled him two by two,
The noble Pete in high disdain
Stood still till they were through.
They sniffed him over one by one
Their praise for him ran high,
But when one sniffed him underneath,
Pete piddled in his eye.
Then just to show the city dogs
He didn’t care a damn,
He strolled into a grocer’s shop
And piddled on a ham!
He piddled on his onions,
He piddled on the floor,
And when the grocer kicked him out,
He piddled on the door.
Behind him all the city dogs
Debated what to do,
They’d hold a piddling carnival
To show this stranger through.
They showed him all the piddling posts
They knew around the town,
They started out with many winks
To wear the stranger down.
But Pete was with their every trick
With vigor and with vim;
A thousand piddles more or less
Were all the same to him…
And on and on went noble Pete
His hind leg kicking high,
While most were lifting legs in bluff
Or piddling mighty dry.
And on and on went noble Pete,
Watering every dale and hill,
Till each and every city dog
Was piddled to a standstill.
Then Pete an exhibition gave
Of all the ways to piddle,
Like, double drips and fancy flips,
And now and then a dribble.
And all the while the city dogs
Did neither wink or grin,
Pete blithely piddled out of town
As he had piddled in.
The City Dogs said “so long Pete”,
Your piddling did defeat us!
But no one ever put them wise
That Pete had diabetes.
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